Why She's a Keeper
by Matchacha
Summary: Drabble-ish. A lighthearted insight into their crazy relationship. T for intimacy. Mikuo/Cul oneshot


_**Why she's a keeper**_

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_(aka. why I'm still alive and kickin')_

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She's not a listener.

"Hey, Kuo!"

Mikuo looks up from his magazine. "Welcome back, babe."

Cul thrusts a pamphlet in his face. "They're gonna have a festival soon. You're taking me there."

"Sounds fun. Sure."

She beams at him, but it looks more like a smirk.

"Babe, where's the festival gonna be—"

"I'm gonna go shower. Bye."

"Hey!"

She lets him into the bath with her though, so it's not too bad.

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She's rude.

He's on the phone with his manager. "Tomorrow sounds okay, yeah…" He stops talking.

Cul's in his face, and she's giving him _the look_: the cheeky, toothy grin of a shameless child who's up to no good.

"Sorry, could you repeat that?" He's been distracted. Mikuo glares at her.

His girlfriend snickers quietly. She leans over to the receiver and lets out a giant burp. It's a disturbing cross between a toad's croak and a belch.

There's an uncomfortable silence on the line. Cul bursts out laughing.

"My god, Cul. Why."

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She's gross.

They're watching a chick flick together, but he's more occupied kissing her.

From the way she's purring, it only means that they share the same opinion about the movie being dull. The more the merrier.

Cul pushes him away playfully and pulls the blanket over her head. He follows suit.

And then she releases the loudest fart he's ever heard.

He scrambles up and retreats right away because damn it, his girlfriend's farts have this lethal nuclear power.

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Despite her (aggravating but also very hilarious) flaws, Cul is Mikuo's girlfriend for a reason.

If it weren't for all the pinching and bashing, she's extremely affectionate.

"Cul."

"Hmm?"

"I can't see." Her head's on his lap, and also on top of the magazine he's currently reading.

"You don't need to see those models. You have me."

"You know I'm not reading this for that."

"No reason for me to move then."

He holds out the magazine perpendicular to his face, but she moves and conveniently blocks his view again.

"Seriously? You're a freaking cat, I swear."

"Meow." Cul ignores him and snuggles into his chest.

Mikuo suddenly feels like kissing her.

He chucks the ad-filled article at the floor. Not that he wanted to finish reading it, anyway.

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She's also straightforward.

Mikuo's dated a couple of girls before, but Cul is something else entirely.

"Babe, I love you so much I'd give up leeks to be with you."

"I call bullshit. You turned into a leek vampire last time."

She's shot him down again. Mikuo sighs, but his smile remains.

"Okay, how about… Out of all the curves on your beautiful body, your smile is my favorite?"

Cul rolls her eyes. "Kuo, you don't need those pickup lines. You know I'm yours."

"You… you just invented one."

"Wow. Really, Kuo, _really_?"

He cups her face and leans in to prove his point, but he kisses her fingers. "Are you having a tsundere moment again?"

"No, I was just thinking…"

"Thinking up a new pickup line?"

"_Kuo_," his girlfriend groans. "I was thinking along the lines of 'even if you're kind of a selfish jerk sometimes and that you still whistle at other girls, you're my special person and I intend to keep it that way.' Happy?"

He stares at her in surprise.

"So… long story short, it's 'I love you'?"

"Ugh, you boys don't appreciate speeches at all—"

He cuts her off and wraps her in the tightest embrace he can manage without crushing her. "I love you too, babe. I love you so much."

They stay in that position for a long blissful while until she says, "Look at me in the eye and say you don't feel the same for leeks."

"Cul!"

"Sorry," she laughs. "Now kiss me."

There it was, the brashness that drew him to the girl he was in love with. He kisses her with fervent passion; he would never get enough.

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There's also the story about how the left side of his head looks more swollen than the right.

He calls it boyfriend abuse.

She calls it a test of loyalty.

But they both agree without argument that it's what cemented the foundation of their relationship.

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Mikuo was sure she would break up with him when she caught him smooching with some girl he found fascinating in his level-ten drunkenness. Somehow, he had gotten quite tipsy. Damn Meito and his salesman-quality persuasiveness.

"Kuo, we need to talk. Now."

"Okay… Wassup, babe?" He drawled, stretching his arms out for a hug.

According to Cul, she had given him the "Castration Glare" and personally dragged him outside. She also mentioned giving the girl an uppercut punch (he didn't probe further than that).

"I'm sorry, babe, I'm sorry…" He apologized deliriously as she propped him up on the garbage bin.

"Can I slap you?"

Fear didn't register into his hazy mind, and neither did he note the murderous look on his girlfriend's face. He nodded weakly.

"Give it all you've got."

Then she swung her guitar around and hit him with all the force she could muster.

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"No wonder my head hurt so much! Did you crack my skull open?!"

Cul smiles at him sheepishly. "Almost. Good thing I didn't use the sharp end."

"Wait, you used your _electric guitar_? The one with the spiky shape?" He asks in horror.

"Hey, that's the price to keep me." She shrugs.

He eyes her suspiciously. "You're really gonna let me off just like that?"

"Kuo, do you need more slaps to ease your conscience?"

"N-no."

Cul looks at him, frowning in deep thought. "What did that slut feel or… taste… like?"

"Slimy and gross. She tasted like booze," he answers sincerely.

"And what does it feel like kissing me?"

"Heaven, literally. I could do that for hours and not get tired."

"Good enough," Cul decides.

"I still feel guilty though!"

She tackles him and claims her spot on top of him. "You were drunk, Kuo. And that girl was the bitch of bitches."

"That's not making me feel any better."

"What I'm saying is, as long as you really, really don't mean what you did and you grovel at my feet for mercy, we're cool."

Her weight's fully pressed on him, but he somehow feels lighter. "You sure about this?"

She plays with his hair. "I feel awful for nearly killing you, so…"

"All is forgiven, then?"

"No, I'm going to hold a grudge against you for the rest of my life."

He finally cracks. "You're the best. I just… dammit, I love you so much."

The odds were against them, but here they were, hanging out like the eccentric, psychotic married couple they've always been. Ultimately, she's the one who kept them intact with her mercy. It feels good knowing that this normally short-tempered and impulsive girl had extended this exclusive kindness to him. In one way or another, it makes her manlier. Not that he'll openly admit it, though.

"You don't mind if I fart here, do you?"

He starts squirming wildly under her. "Nononononono—"

"Just kidding!" She hooted.

"Argh, Cul!"

Maybe he could start writing a book on how to survive her gas leaks, but that would be another story altogether…

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"You lied! It freaking stinks!"

_end_

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**Author's note**

Inspiration: loosely based off my experience with romance. Ah, so sweet.

This was really fun to write! I've had the urge to write for this pairing for a long while now. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Tell me what you think.

Does anyone have a girlfriend/boyfriend like Cul or Mikuo?


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